Crappy Holidays & Other Economic Carols For 2020

While singing of all sorts is officially off the table in Newsom’s Californiastan, the kind gentle folk at BMO Capital Markets offer the following ‘Economic Carols’ for your entertainment…

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Stimulus

(sung to the tune of It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas)

It’s beginning to look a lot like stimulus
Everywhere you go;
Tossing out fives and tens, in billions once again
With CRB and EI still to flow

It’s beginning to look a lot like stimulus,
Nobody in the store,
But the prettiest sight to see is the CEWS cheque that will be
On your own front door.

More federal transfers and stabilization money
Is the wish of Kenney and Ford;
Wealth taxes and basic income
With the NDP strikes a chord;
And Bay Street can hardly wait
for a fiscal anchor thrown overboard.

It’s beginning to look a lot like stimulus,
Everywhere you go;
There’s vacancy in the hotel, and in the condo as well,
But credit continues to flow.

It’s beginning to look a lot like stimulus,
Soon the expansion will start,
And the question it will bring to investors with a ring:
Will our credit rating fall apart?

– Robert Kavcic

Here Comes Tesla Stock

(sung to the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus)

Here comes Tesla Stock, here comes Tesla Stock,
right down S&P Lane
Apple and Amazon and all the tech names
pulling on the reins
Bells are ringing, traders singing, all is merry and bright
So load your orders and say your prayers,
’cause Tesla Stock joins tonight

Here comes Tesla Stock, here comes Tesla Stock,
right down S&P Lane
It’s got a bag that’s filled with cars for boys and girls again
See those EVs pullin’ past you, oh what a beautiful sight
So jump in bed and cover your head,
’cause Tesla Stock joins tonight

Here comes Tesla Stock, here comes Tesla Stock,
right down S&P Lane
It doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, it loves you just the same
Tesla Stock knows we’re all good indexers,
that makes everything right
So close your eyes and buy it dear,
’cause Tesla Stock joins tonight

Here comes Tesla Stock, here comes Tesla Stock,
right down S&P Lane
It’ll come around when chimes ring out
that its P/E is soarin’ again
Tracking Error will come to none if we just follow it tight
So let’s give thanks to the lithium car,
’cause Tesla Stock joins tonight

– Douglas Porter

I’ll Be Home For Christmas

I’ll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have food and firewood
And all else by delivery

Christmas eve will find me
Where the TV light gleams
I’ll be (most definitely) home for Christmas
Not only in my dreams

I’ll be (no real options) home for Christmas
That is the reality
Those in T-O, and all Ontario
Will stack pizza boxes by the tree

Christmas eve will find me
Gazing blankly at the screens
I’ll be (where else?) home for Christmas
Not only in my dreams

– Douglas Porter

Housing Wonderland

(sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland)

Door bells ring
Are you listening
In the main
Prices are glistening
A startling sight
Owners are happy tonight
Walking in a housing wonderland

Gone away is the commuter
Here to stay is a new bird
It sings a new song
As we telework along
Walking in a housing wonderland

In the city we can build a condo
Then pretend that folks will stick around
They’ll say: Are you crazy?
We’ll say: Yes man
As you can do the job from out of town

Later on
We’ll aspire
As we lift prices higher
To face unafraid
The debts that we’ve made
Walking in a housing wonderland

In the suburbs we can build a mansion
And pretend the market won’t slow down
We’ll have lots of fun with mister mansion
Until the bill collectors come around

When Covid goes
Ain’t it thrilling
Though your rate gets a climbing
We’ll panic and pay
Bid prices up and away
Walking in a housing wonderland

– Sal Guatieri

Blue Brexit

(sung to the tune of Blue Christmas)

I’ll have a blue Brexit without EU
I’ll be so blue just leaving without EU
Governance, subsidies; can’t forget those fisheries
Won’t be the same, if Brussels is not here with me

And when those blue tariffs start risin’
That’s when those blue growth rates start fallin’
We’ll be doin’ all right, in Tier 3 lockdown Christmas night
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Brexit

– Jennifer Lee

Crappy Holidays

(sung to the tune of Happy Holidays)

Crappy Holiday
Crappy Holiday
While the lockdown bells keep ringing
May your larders be well stocked

Crappy Holiday
Crappy Holiday
May the calendar stop bringing
Crappy Holidays to you

It’s the holiday season
And Ursula is coming ’round
The Recovery Fund is off of the ground
When Pres. Lagarde gets into town
She’ll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down

It’s the holiday season
And Rishi Sunak has got a scheme
For furloughed workers who need more esteem
But borrowing soared the Labour Party did scream
He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down

BoJo wants some big trade deals, and some for steel
And lots of goodies for you and for me
So leave the talks, no deal… we walk
With our financial industry

It’s the holiday season
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
And don’t forget to hang up your sock
’Cause just exactly at 12 o’clock
We’ll be leaving the customs union
Leaving the customs union
Leaving the customs union, down!

– Jennifer Lee

Bitcoin the Crypto Currency: Redux

(sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

You know Zcash and SwiftCoin
And Ethereum and IOTA
Monero and Lite Coin
And Dash and Ripple
But do you recall
The most famous Crypto of all?

Bitcoin the crypto currency
Had a very rapid rise
And if you ever saw it
You couldn’t wear all the gold it now buys
All of the other currencies
Used to laugh and call it names
They never let poor Bitcoin
Play in any currency games

Then one rocky COVID year
CME came to say
Bitcoin with your blockchain air tight
Won’t you join our trading platform tonight?

Then all the traders loved it
Even as some shouted out “Ponzi”
“Bitcoin the crypto currency
You’ll come back one day, just see!”

– Douglas Porter

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